Despite the best efforts of a former elementary school classmate who sent this very funny image too me…math and essentially most anything involving numbers remains (despite the protein) about as delicious as a bowl of minced cockroaches.

I’m currently engaged in a losing battle with a required statistics course.  The funny thing I find about number courses is the marketing strategies employed by their proponents.  If I had a dollar for each time I heard a number teacher state “you are going to need this in your future” I would be living in Whistler, hunkered within the walls of my massive custom built log house using a calculator to add up my piles of cash (+ interest) earned from unsuspecting number teachers.

I’ve decided that I only require such knowledge…for the next time someone says I need to take a number course.  That is what the statistics tell me!  In the 9 years after my first (and assumed to be ‘last’) statistics course I’ve come across such methodologies once…and it was handled quite nicely by my computer.

A secret fact about Bryan is that he was 9% away from not graduating high school.  Despite the fact that I didn’t seem to have any problem acquiring scholarships for my first year of university, 9% was the thin buffer that was standing between me and a life of wiping industrial wastes of the side of oil rigs in Fort McMurray, Alberta, a pharmaceutical test subject or a male dancer.

I failed the minimum BC math requirement once and passed (via correspondence –  a ‘watered-down’ version of that number course) with 59%.

My ability with numbers has plagued me my whole life.

I had to meet another math requirement for my undergrad geography degree.  Having two years of university under my belt and a more mature and dedicated outlook I ran into that course full on with optimism and a ‘can-do’ attitude.  I was in the math help office every second day that semester.

I’ve never been shot down so hard in my life.  Final mark, 52%.

I am well aware that many people are not number-inclined, but my performance with numbers is dismally far out in left field relative to my other abilities.  If I were a statistic, my position is so incredibly skewed I would be dropped from the study.

I don’t know why I can’t seem to perform with numbers. It is very bizarre.

I’m not about to sink low and blame instructors…but I honestly don’t think I’ve ever had a good one who didn’t hold that mathematical arrogance that most seem to carry around in a bag.  There have been some instructors I’ve had who I swear want to shove calculators down the throats of their ‘dumb’ students.  “What do you mean you don’t get it????”  “What are you, stupid or something?”*

*that could probably also be a planner at a town meeting*

Genetics?  Nope – my Dad’s a whiz with numbers. Maybe I’m a mutation.

I think it is confidence.  Each time I open up my stats textbook I am reminded of my 17 past years of schooling and complete failure with anything involving numbers.

Best I can do is open it up and try not to think about all of the useful things I could be learning as a planner.

Technorati Tags: attitude, grad schoo, math, statistics, surp

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The date almost slipped my mind.

I suggest a meal at the Peking Duck for a fuller, bolder experience.

Nearly 20 years later it seems so far away, so distant. But not at all forgotten. At least not for me. Talking with my Chinese friends in Beijing, it also seems so irrelevant, something they would rather not acknowledge let alone dwell upon. I only really began to understand the Chinese perspective on the tragedy five years ago when I held an extensive conversation with an actual demonstrator.

His words sounded so strange to me. He had gone to demonstrate, to actively protest against his government, and now he looks upon the massacre as a practical and necessary business decision. Painful to make at the time but ultimately good for the country. And I believe it’s safe to say that his opinion is in line with that of most young Chinese people today. There is almost a sense of gratitude for what the government did, saving them from the anarchy that consumed Russia in its rush to democratize. Preserving the harmony that allowed the economic miracle to rise to undreamed of height. Surely it was all for the best, and your heart has to go out to the poor officials forced to make such a difficult decision.

I understand his argument, and I understand why my Chinese colleagues across the board tow the line on this topic. Many months ago I gave up hope of having a rational discussion with them on topics like this. The last time I tried was about two weeks ago, when I argued with a beloved colleague about whether Mao had been good for China or bad. When I recited the litany of his sins, which are nearly as bountiful as Hitler’s, I got the tape recorded message that still, he was good for China. You know, seventy percent and all that. At least now I understand why she says that.

Read the whole thing.

A well written, balanced and thoughtful post regarding this pivotal moment in 20th century history. It is a sense of denial, that “this didn’t happen” or a “we know nothing about this” claim, but rather a somewhat interesting perspective holding to the line that while it was a massacre, it was a necessary action in an effort to preserve social harmony, stability and economic progress/development. The apparent support among many for the actions of the CCP during this time provides a snap-shot of contemporary Chinese attitudes towards their government. While they may not be universally liked and hardly loved, it could be easily argued that the CCP is the guardian of stability, holder of moral authority and retain the respect of many segments of the Mainland population. I would argue that the support received from large segments of the population is something not understood by the general masses of the West.

Technorati Tags: attitude, beijing, ccp, tiananmen square

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Of course, the West has been guilty of many of China’s bad environmental habits, too. The average Canadian, for example, consumes far more energy than the average Chinese and is responsible for releasing far more carbon dioxide. But with China’s massive population, and its reluctance to enforce the use of modern anti-pollution equipment, China is quickly catching up to the industrialized world as a cause of global warming.

Obviously the West is not a bastion of environmental stewardship or energy conservation and I think it is a important point of embarrassment for nations which should be on the forefront of environmental protection, development and leadership. But there is a substantial, and growing chunk of society that is showing initiative and taking it upon themselves personally to make a difference by changing their lifestyles. There is a realization that the way we do things requires some serious tweaking.

I taught a lesson on Climate Change a day ago, and I left my school extremely depressed and pessimistic about the prospects of the world. The majority, if not everyone in the class, while aware of Climate Change and the causes showed little if any interest in the ramifications and impacts, nor any interest in actually doing anything about it. I had the feeling that the concept came across as somewhat of a joke to them. Answers to the question “What can be done to mitigate this problem” revolved around standard China Daily pablum of planting more trees and creating more laws blah, blah, blah. Not one mentioned anything closely resembling changing personal habits, encouraging green energy, green transportation or absolutely anything to do with energy efficiency. When I informed them that raising the temperature of an air conditioning unit in the summer a few degrees can save up to 500kg of Carbon a year, I was met with confusion, followed by “Bryan, air conditioners don’t pollute, they don’t create C02″. I wasn’t pleased with this answer, although it didn’t surprise me. I routinely observe people dumping all sorts of liquids and solids into street sewers, giving little or no thought to exactly where these items are heading. In Sichuan, I saw a pathetic SUV driving hag toss a whole trash bag out of her window into a river. Why would thinking ahead about electricity be any different?

This attitude is not exactly surprising, given that China remains a developing nation, where economic survival and development of your family will take precedence over environmental protection. What is scary is that the students I teach are far from economically deprived, and represent the middle and upper/elite classes (a few drive Land Rovers). Traditionally, environmental awareness and desire to improve existing conditions begins with those who are financially secure and are concerned regarding the future. However, the middle class/upper class don’t seem to be the least bit concerned regarding the environment, and continue to purchase gas guzzling vehicles, (among other habits), despite the fact that live within the city, that public transportation in China kicks ass, that the cost of a parking space can exceed the cost of their own freakin’ vehicle.

I understand it is a cultural necessity to own a car in China, not a practical one. But in order to keep that face, people are willing to sacrifice their own environment. And it is not like in Canada, for instance, where the effects of pollution are minimal and one has too look pretty far to find some environmental nastiness. Every where I’ve traveled in China bears evidence of extreme pollution. If you drive a car in this country, for instance, you see the effects immediately in the sky. Lateral thinking doesn’t seem to exist. Where is the fear? That grey stuff in the sky, it isn’t going to go away. People tell me 10 years ago Nanjing was as blue as Mongolia. Just 10 years ago!

The apparent failure to think long term doesn’t just preside in my observations of the environmental situation in China, but it also prevalent in the business world as well. I spend a few hours each week tutoring a French manager at a one of Nanjing’s foreign companies. He says that the largest challenge facing is company (and one of the reasons LuminArc maintains a large expat component in China) is failure of the Chinese in regards to name branding and the concept of thinking long term. Essentially he told me that few if any local employees are concerned with the well being of the company or it’s future, and therefor not apt to take over higher management positions. This discussion developed from a question I had regarding the burden of supporting expats in China and LuminArc’s plans for training local management. While LuminArc obviously wants to reduce the massive costs associated with expat living, the bottom line is they don’t trust anyone to adequately support their name and brand.

So I find myself asking the question…”Why do few people here appear to be concerned regarding the future?”

I discussed this with a few of my close friends, and I developed the notion that it is simply because no one has any confidence in the future, and feel absolutely powerless to affect anything. Anything, with the exception of how much money can be earned in the shortest period of time. This seems to be the paramount goal of everyone in China at the moment. Earn as much, no matter what the cost. The concept of sustainability doesn’t exist because no one thinks it’s possible, and believe instead that the only viable option purchasing their way out of China. That’s how it looks to me, with those already processing the financial means high tailing it to Western countries in bids to obtain passports, if not for themselves, than at least for their children.

There are people concerned about the environment in China and are quite vocal about the plight. Lobbying the government, getting the word out, even staging 74000 protests in 2004 Unfortunately they are farmers and the lowest classes of Chinese society.

What surprises me most is that the government doesn’t seem to concerned about sustainability. I find the Chinese to be impeccable students of history, often quoting past events in support or justification of policies, yet ignore Western history and how its energy gluttony has gotten it bogged down in the Middle East and other wonderful locals and has created somewhat of a security crisis that threatens the very basis of our democracy and political systems. Even if they don’t give a shit about their landscapes and the health of the people, I would have expected them to be at least concerned regarding energy dependency and it’s relation to national security. Did I mention the eighty thousand some domestic protests in 2004? Fifty thousand of which were driven by the conditions of local environments (according to my saviour, China Daily).

However, there doesn’t seem to be much concern, instead, energy is directed towards blaming foreigners as usual.

A popular argument against outside criticism of environmental policies is the claim that outsiders (ie. The West) is in no position to criticize because China should be allocated the same 100 years of industrialization that was awarded to Western nations during their industrialization period. Another popular term is ‘environmental colonialism’, a tasty word for the idea that China’s enviro-situation is a result of foreign powers exporting their polluting businesses to the mainland, bearing little responsibility for the environmental burden and paying workers low wages. A tactic that works wonderfully well in a uber-nationalist/self-esteem less nation connected by the internet.

Pretty weak argument. Everyone wants to work for foreign companies, so out with the crappy wage point. LuminArc has posted, right in their entrance, substantial information regarding their environmental policies and social responsibility philosophy. It is taken seriously…after all, LuminArc is a brand, a name…with a long term outlook and concern for their reputation.

There was possibly a time in the past where you could ship your dirty operations abroad and no one would notice, but information flows…flows faster than every. The watchdogs are everywhere. If a multi-national company creates a mess, the the world will know about it.

It’s not all car, but I hope you get the idea. Fresh from the banks of the Changjiang.

sigh…..

Technorati Tags: attitude, bus, canada, china, climate change, dog, energy, environment, internet, law, mongolia, nanjing, personal, sichuan, sports, train, travel

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I’m not going to bother linking all of this stuff as I’m lazy and you can browse for it quite easily yourself.

What bothers me about this asshole and others like him (back in 2004 I came across a blog owned by a overweight, over aged white fellow chronicling his sexual exploits in Kunming…complete with photos of unsuspecting victims) is their complete selfish take on their position in China. I wouldn’t consider myself to be any bastion of moral authority, and I’m honestly not concerned about how many women claimed by these individuals or even their preferred acrobatic moves. What I’m concerned (and fucking pissed) about their complete absence of cultural sensitivity and understanding within a very sensitive society. By publicly posting such exploits, they have completely ignored the massive mob backlash that occurs whenever an item brushes the grain against Chinese public morals or honor. The have no clue as to stereotyping and labellings they are participating in. Why am I concerned? Because the stereotyping I’ve had to deal with since day one in China have increased +1. I’m white, I’m an English teacher, and I have a blog.

Over the past two weeks I’ve gone on several different dates with several different local women. Each one mentioned this fellow in Shanghai, and it was fairly obvious that I was being subtly interrogated as to my intentions. Furthermore, given the wide use of internet in China, most Chinese people are aware of this blog in Shanghai, and I couldn’t help but notice an distinctively cooler atmosphere from other patrons who observed myself with local women. There is a nasty habit of stereotyping in this country (as seen with opinions on various minorities) and this latest Shanghai incident merely further confirms to many locals the personal habits of all foreigners. It is often taken here that the actions of one foreigner represent all foreigners, and I find myself being compared to other foreigners whom a Chinese person happens to know, or has read about somewhere.

However, however scary, dangerous (and of course, insanely childish) I find this new wave of radical Chinese nationalism, I think it is important to recognize that it is probably here to stay the argument that people should up and support such a individual based upon his beatings at the hands of Chinese nationalism and xenophobia. Part of cultural understanding is accepting that despite wanting to, one is not going to change culturally ingrained attitudes and that those changes have to come from within the culture itself. At times outside pressure helps, but in this particular situation it would probably do little, as it appears that the Chinese are fairly universally united against this sort of ‘foreign imperialism’ as one person labeled it as.

Posting crap like that only further ingrains and expands the established stereotypes and adds a little bit of extra mafan into my life.

*update* I wrote this yesterday but didn’t post it. The following might be a little incoherent, and possibly contradictory (although I hope not). Anyways, today something happened with provides further evidence of the seemingly increasing hostile atmosphere faced my foreigners in China. A number of days ago I was contacted by a foreigner who was interested in working for my school. The fellow had a number of questions, which I answered. The following day I signed into MSN, to discover that I had been added by an unknown person. I inquired to whom this person was, to which I was received an response indicating that she was a friend of the before mentioned. I’m not a big fan of strangers (ie. people I didn’t give out my address to) adding themselves to my list…I mentioned this only to receive the response along the lines of “oh, you think your pretty hot shit?” Obviously, I wasn’t impressed being abused by someone who has little idea of who I am…even more so over the internet. I calmly typed “What the fuck?”….followed by a pause and reconsideration that I wasn’t going to take this shit and engage in conversation…so I just told them to fuck off. I then deleted the contact (Unfortunately I forgot to block). Seconds later a message popped up accusing me of being a sexual predator out only to bang as many chinese girls as possible. This was followed closely by “you foreigners are all the same lazy, pathetic losers”.

I fuming mad about this. Not necessarily the abuse, but how it perfectly dovetails into all of this nonsense occurring over in Shanghai regarding this sex website. I seriously feel like I’m branded now in China. Abuse like this never manifests itself in an old fashioned confrontation, there is too much face at stake…you’d never have this kind of stuff said straight to you (or your girlfriend…all though she probably hears all the comments). But, they would say it too you online, and that I find a bit more scary, as it reinforces what many people are thinking, they just don’t have the balls to tell you outright.

This is my third year in China now, and I cannot believe the rise anti-foreign sentiments. Maybe it was always there, and I just didn’t notice it at first, but I sure as hell notice it now. Foreigns stabbed to death in Fujian, curb stomped in Nanjing, rundown in Guangzhou.

Get bent you stereotyping uber nationalist dicks. That also goes for dumbass ignorant foreigners who start all this shit in the first place.

*more photos are up*

Technorati Tags: attitude, blog, bus, china, internet, nanjing, nationalism, personal, photos, sex, travel

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Discussion of the Albertan seperation movement over at Canada.com

Actually, I’ve been hearing much about this ‘situation’ on many forums and the on various news networks. Some have even mentioned it as being an election issue.

Therefore, I thought I’d weigh in on it.

I would say that what annoys me the most about people advocating seperation of Alberta, is that it is largely rooted in their ability to be economically self-sufficient, yet they mask that obvious fact by claiming political ‘alienation’ from Ottawa.

I’m not jealous of the economic situation in Alberta, largely because I know I could easily make my way there and get my own piece of pie. What does oil my wheels (heh heh) is the pretentious attitude of those benefiting from the economic success. It is a geographical coincidence that Albertan borders, which were created in a map room, happened to correspond with large fossil fuel deposits. I don’t believe the average Albertan is any brighter, industrious or creative than the average Canadian. Do they fancy themselves alongside such self-made powerhouses as Silicon Valley and Redmond? Financial success in Alberta is the result of geologic forces at work, out of their control, millions of years ago. If Albertans were modern day alchemists and had devised a method to turn water into oil, I would surrender to the notion that they had created their prosperity themselves. But they didn’t. They just happened to live on the right piece of land, hardly grounds for the irritating manner in which I am consistently reminded of their ‘economic wealth as if it was a rags to riches story. I don’t see any Andrew Carnegies churning out of Big A.

Oil royalties belong to the Albertan government to do with as they please. I can somewhat understand the ‘angst’ at having to fork some over to the Feds. Yet I don’t believe this affects the average Albertan salary in any large way. Sorry…maybe they will only get a 400 dollar rebate this year, not 600. Yet, sometimes I want to say “grow up guys….your like the kid who doesn’t share his chocolate covered granola bar at recess…you get one everyday, you won’t even notice if you give out a quarter of it….still tastes the same”. Greedy? Maybe that is too nasty of a word, but I unfortunately cannot pull another adjective. You can hide it by claiming you are politically outcast, but I wouldn’t say anymore than B.C. or the Yukon…where people talk ‘separation’ but as a joke and usually while high. Nor is Alberta a ‘distinct society’, unless one counts the religious factor, which I believe is blown way out of proportion.

Yeah, so that is how I feel.

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Did you literally choke on your air today?

I did.

I’ve been living in a developing country for some time now (although in a rather developed shell) and had been expecting this to happen sooner. Along with the odd and slightly curious atmospheric odours, the lungs sucked in the coal dust and vehicle smog with ease.

Not today. Opened the door, took in that first breath of morning air…*COUGH COUGH COUGH*….nasty, man.

Respiratory diseases are the leading cause of death in China. Scaring my parents.

But this is another classic example of environmental conditions and implications on a nations health.

P.R.C. Demographics as of 2000.

Age structure:
0-14 years: 25% (male 168,040,006; female 152,826,953)
15-64 years: 68% (male 439,736,737; female 413,454,673)
65 years and over: 7% (male 41,200,297; female 46,573,816) (2000 est.)

China health care mechanism for dealing with this massive cohort at this point is non-existent. Every day I take a bus past the Jiangsu People’s Hospital on Guangzhou Lu (near NNU), and each day I pass hordes of people in passing through what is obviously an overflowing medical facility.

The silver tide in China:

The population of the elderly (60 or older) in China is about 128 million or one in every ten people, the largest in the world. It is estimated that China could have some 400 million people over 60 years of age by 2050.

Demographic shift and it’s associated effects on health care services is obviously not isolated to one county. Canada, and other developed countries also have large boomer cohorts in waiting. Yet patients in developed many health problems are preventable. Eat right, exercise, keep a good attitude, add a little bit of luck and you should be alright. And if shit does happen…hey! You’ve got health care!

In China, if you don’t get pancaked by a car first, then the air you breath to live will most likely kill you (that along with the epic amounts of cigarettes consumed…grown by state-owned enterprises). The former being something that isn’t really a lifestyle choice.

Nanjing just upgraded a large percentage of their taxi and bus force, which will most likely have a lifespan of at least 20 years. It will be years before another substantial upgrade will occur. It is not just petroleum that could be saved had an investment been made in hybrids.

I hear much from many people about how China is facing, many, many problems. Yet I see hardly anything being done about it.

400 million people over 60 in 2050…in an country with air like this.

Oh, incoherent ramblings.

One wouldn’t guess as much, but there is a Chinese word for “Mackenzie”.

麦肯来 – mai4ken3lai2 (it sort of sounds something like “my kun lie”).

Technorati Tags: attitude, canada, china, environment, nanjing

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Warning…you may or may not want to read this. Some of it’s pretty private. Might be a different Bryan you encounter, but I’m hoping it is the same one you already know. And please, I’m not looking for ‘oh, are you OK? I’m perfectly fine.

Literally, no one understands me here. Defeat after defeat, after defeat….even ordering green tea presents its own unique challenges. I’m finding that despite my best efforts at attempting to learn this language, I am stuck. After two months of study, I do not seem to have improved much upon what I have previously known. The only improvements appear to have materialized in the form of my reading skills. I can read and somewhat understand the texts that are given too me, yet reproduction of those characters orally remains elusive. Initially, I thought I had a talent for listening, a knack, one could say, that my fellow classmates lacked. I could easily pick up the initials and finals associated with pinyin, and their corresponding tonal intonations. But recently, it is like I have stepped of the deep end without being taught how to tread water. I’m sinking fast. Each listening unit has me scratching my head. The dialogues have gone from 0 to 100 faster than I can say Mao Zhedong. This change is almost like black and white. I’m quite scared. I’ll be purchasing the tapes that complement the text and a cheap walkman, in an effort to catch up with my understanding.

I had initially hoped that listening would be passive, that it would have to be something that I would have to study, like one would study characters. As a language teacher, I know that listening is the foundation of learning any language, but I naively placed faith that the two listening classes a week would be enough. So I now have to dedicate adequate time to understanding the listening texts. This places added strain on my already difficult study schedule. I have classes from 8-12 every weekday, followed by an hour long lunch and a half hour bus ride. Monday’s to Wednesdays, I’m negotiating middle school students from 1:30 to 3:30…Thursdays and Fridays till 4:00. After than I’m off on the bus back to my apartment where I chill for an hour or two before dinner, sometimes doing some housework or catching up on net related things. Dinner is usually on the street or in a hole-in-wall restaurant…sometimes I cave in and head to McDonalds when my day has been shitty. It’s not because I particularly like the food there, or agree with the fast food concept, it is just that it is 100% BS free, and easy to order. A lot of my favorite street food isn’t available to after 9pm anyway. 7ish I’m back home, or in a tea bar where I usually study to about 11-12ish before hitting the sack. I usually visit with my friends Friday night. I work Saturday night from 6-9 at this rather sketchy English School that has more than once caused me some grief. It is across the road from my apartment, so my presence is only out of convenience. Many English schools are scattered around Nanjing, requiring lengthy travel time, something which really isn’t efficient time management. I’m very disappointed with myself for accepting crap from them. I talk the talk about being tough with schools to newbs, but I sill let some of them jerk me around. It’s embarrassing, really. I suppose it’s a fear that the confrontation will damage the relationship and somewhat reinforces the stereotype of the greedy foreigner. We get paid piles here in comparison to our Chinese counterparts, and while such salaries are merely simple supply and demand, it is often very difficult to convey that without feeling guilty. I voiced my annoyance at schedule changes tonight, but didn’t feel very good about it. I have too much of a conscious I suppose. Am I too nice?

Sometimes I’ll meet up with friends during the week, but I usually feel quite guilty about wasting a night, when I really need to be studying. Characters missed one night will spell disaster for the next morning’s class. It’s quite competitive, as my classmates don’t work, instead having all afternoon and night to work on their Chinese. Most are Korean, a few Vietnamese and Japanese. Many are wives of Korean and Japanese business men, whose companies finance their studies as part of an anti-idless program. Most of the younger people studying are hard working but there are several for which it is fairly obvious that they are there on their parents bill and couldn’t give a shit about their performance (so, I’m not the worst in the class!).

Studying right now is a mixed bag…I’m trying different approaches, but generally speaking, 90% of my dedicated study time each night focuses on learning the characters taught that day, or previous days. I’m usually a unit behind the rest of the class. It takes me a long time to learn my characters. Memorizing strokes for 20 characters will probably take all night. Upon which after one learns the required characters, there are a pile of grammar and sentence exercises to be completed. Unfortunately, I rarely get around to this…getting the characters done is a big enough accomplishment, yet along being able to use the consistently. Like I’ve mentioned before, recognizing is not a huge problem, but writing is. After writing character five or six times, I’ll have it memorized, for reading purposes, but I will be unable to recall how to write it. A huge emphasis is placed on writing characters at school, and as any Chinese language student will tell you, learning to write characters is extremely inefficient. It requires an in proportionate amount of time to memorize the stroke order of a character…time that could better be spent on improving listening. Such is the Catch-22 I’m facing. I’m required to write characters, yet overall, I feel like my progression as a language student is suffering because of it. I enjoy writing characters, the Chinese character is a beautiful little entity, but I feel like I’m dumping water into a bottomless pit. I can write pinyin, which in turn, enables me to write characters on the computer with ease. Right now, (pardon the pun), I’m more concerned regarding my listening skills, than writing, yet school requirements demand good writing skills. I’ve noticed that sometimes I am understood, yet I am unable to continue the conversation because my listening is appalling.

I’m writing this in a tea bar, where I was initially planning on working on my characters for Monday, yet the disaster over ordering simple green tea has destroyed the initiative, and I don’t really have any inclination to hit the books tonight. My three attempts at explaining I wanted to drink green tea (我要喝缕茶; wo yao he lu cha) had the waitress scurring away in search of an English speaker. I managed to grab her before she could embarrass me more and blurted out that black tea was fine (with assistance from a menu) which she understood. It is odd how small items like that will eliminate an otherwise cheery mood.

It’s Halloween, actually. There’s this big party over at the John Hopkins Center. Don’t really have any inclination to go to that either. I was out last night, which was a good night at one of ‘pubish’ establishments with cheap Qingdao beer.

It’s a rare occasion for me to talk about women, let alone writing about them, or do it publically! but that is also something occupying my mind recently. For the first time in a very long time, I’m becoming interested in acquiring a significant other, just not really sure in regards to what type. Despite the stereotype of China as a white man’s paradise, I don’t find this topic any easy here than it was in Canada. Obtaining a local lady is something I’ve thought about a lot, largely because of the pure benefits incurred in terms of language and culture learning (you are very honourable, aren’t you Bryan?) Numerous are very attractive and I’ve come to understand that many also have much to say, insights and opinions of which have generally surprised and caught my attention. Many of them are very smart and resourceful, having to put up with BS in this country that many of us cannot even contemplate. An equal number are spoiled childish kids. For me, dating a local is difficult, largely because of my requirements for a relationship, which is difficult to fulfill unless their command of English (or my command of Chinese) is excellent. I cannot commit to a relationship unless I feel that I truly know the person. I will not be a foreign trophy, nor will I be the object of a foreign fetish. I’ve come across both. Casual dating with locals is something which is more of my interest, yet such situations rarely exist. I know many smart, attractive students in China, yet as a student, their time is limited, as are their finances (I will not be a wallet). Financially sound and independent women are extremely difficult to find, let alone approach. Being an asshole would definitely make such things much easier, yet it is something that I’m not. I have too much respect for the people of China and the crap that they have to endure everyday, that it would be impossible for me to treat them as such. Everyone’s experience is different, this is mine. “Have fun Bryan, don’t worry!” Only if you are not an asshole.

The other option lies within the foreigner circle. The women to be found there are cool, smart and well, western. Many I consider to my my ‘type’, if there is such a word. Feel free to call me a jerk, but I just cannot see any benefit though…I want to learn Chinese, and my free time is limited. I would be speaking too much English, which is conductive to a relationship, yet disastrous for language learning. Nanjing is also a small boat, in which social workings can be disrupted easily, as relationships begin largely within friends. I like my life simple, and free of as much complexity as possible. Dealing with such inconsistencies within a circle of friends has the potential of being stressful. I also don’t inherently trust many women in China, both foreign and local, this being largely a product of several past experiences and doesn’t fare well in an situation such as Nanjing.

A large proportion of socializing between foreigners is conducted within a night club environment, due largely to the lack of an established pub culture. I’ve developed a craving for dancing, yet my affliction for night clubs probably ends with exploring the dance floor with my friends. I do not like engaging conversation in a night club, mainly for the obvious reason that I cannot understand a word being said, nor conversely, can the other party understand my ramblings. I adore a good conversation, something which cannot be achieved in such an atmosphere. In addition to the obvious, and perhaps my primary issue is my recently observed phenomenon of the night clubber. People are different in such surroundings, substantially different, than they would be outside. I cannot gauge a person in a night club. I have absolutely no idea of who they really are. The person in the club and the person outside of the club are completely different individuals. It probably does not seem like a big issue, yet because the majority of socializing between foreigners, especially between people who are unfamiliar with one another, occurs in a night club ambiance in which I find it difficult to engage genuine conversations, and as such, I have lost several opportunities due to my inability to operate under such conditions. I just can’t do it that way.

I don’t consume dairy products in China, aside from the odd yogurt and ice cream (does that count?). The milk here is atrocious. For a few weeks I was feeling very empty headed, and recalled a friend of mine (who studied Chinese medicine) commenting that the phenomenon of empty headedness is actually a product of calcium deficiency. Apparently one requires 1000-1500mg of calcium each day, something which (even with a multi-vitamin) I knew I was not getting. So I stocked up on Calcium supplements. I’m much sharper now. I think I’ll try ginkgo next.

While this probably appears as digressional ramblings, maybe even border line depressional (I’m just pissed that the fuwuyuan didn’t understand my request for green tea), I am indeed still enjoying my time here. My earnings from teaching enable me to enjoy a relatively high level of existence, even though most of my salary is dedicated to bills and travel savings. Travel is cheap, and I’m 100% comfortable roaming around this country. I love it. I am hoping to have enough to enjoy my Spring Vacation in the New Year. Maybe Vietnam and I’m also eyeballing a 13,000ft mountain in Shanxi province. Yet the awkwardness of the Chinese payment system injects an aura of uncertainty which can cloud my financial planning. While teaching keeps me eating I don’t really enjoy it. I find it incredibly boring, redundant and feel very useless as a person. It really does not matter if I am there, or if I am not there. I suppose it is the lack of a “I am making a difference” feeling. Strangely enough, I did feel like I was making somewhat of a difference doing techie grunt work in the bush…because I knew that my recommendations were being acted upon, and that what I said in my reports was helping in ensuring that the forest would grow well, and that biodiversity and such will be maintained. I believed in the work. Call me arrogant, but I also believed that my work was better than many of the other companies doing similar contracts, I felt like I knew the forest dynamics better. I could step in a clearcut and know within 5 minutes what needed to be done. That feeling doesn’t exist here, nor does any pride. I’m just a tool, used by the school to lure in unsuspecting students who pay exhorborent fees to be ‘taught’ English by a native speaker. I’ve also never enjoyed the feeling that this is what my degree earned me…a job in which I am lumped together with people with a quarter of my education and knowledge. People who never took the time to go to school or work their asses off for that piece of scrap…yet are able to do the same job as me. I respect Nanjing in the sense that it the teachers here are quality, people like myself….yet I know that there is white trash spread all across the shores of Big Red, engaging in my ‘profession’.

I still believe in learning Chinese. Will it be useful? I’m not sure…I not longer discuss in serious depth why I’m studying with anyone, especially my friends from Canada. I’ve actually snapped at people who inquire. I have no career plans. I don’t know where I’m going. I like to keep things like that to myself. I’ve got three sets of friends getting married this coming year. Married! What’s happening? What am I doing!?
I still believe in learning Chinese because the world is globalizing fast. Fifteen years ago, language requirements for a job were more of a bonus requirement hoped for by a company looking for a perfect employee, now it is almost as important as a degree. It is a measuring stick, I suppose. Something that will may not make you any better than another prospective employee, but it will make you different. It is a gamble I still believe will pay off. I have to believe it will pay off…there are no second chances in the 21st century…one cannot change their jobs like they used to, requirements are too high, years of training, experience and education, too high to start from scratch. Years need to be spend building relationships in an industry, working the ladder, making friends. Might even be too late for me. What I fear most though is that my studies will devolve into a useless attempt at gaining something which I have no right to. I remember in my fourth year of university I attempted mathematics. I’ve always performed poorly in that subject, but I was determined to give it a shot again and I dived in with a good attitude and high expectations…I failed miserably. I’m afraid that the same might happen with Chinese. I was never good at language study, and it is more likely than not, I will be defeated in my second attempt at learning a second tongue, much in the same way I was destroyed by my attempts at math. I have to hack this out…I have to write the HSK and get a decent score.

Did I just say that I’m not bitter? Probably difficult to believe that! I’m cool.

I absolutely love Chinese tea bars…next too standing idling in the 86’ers listening to the snow fall, they are the chillest, most relaxed and slow environments I’ve experienced. I drop a lot of coin and do much of my studying in joints like this. I can plug my notebook in and hang out all night. Writing characters can be boring, and distractions come easily in my apartment, mostly in the form of the internet and dvds. The presence of other people also, for some reasons, increases my ability to study. I’ve been writing for almost three hours straight…I’ve compiled almost 3000 words. This is the first time I’ve ever done a keyboard marathon of such Olympic proportions about essentially nothing.

I just reread my opening few sentences. I’m going to change something. I initially wrote that I haven’t learned anything. I’ve learned piles. I’ve learned heaps of Chinese; I know I can hold crappy conversations with people. I did it yesterday with my cab driver. We talked about our families (it’s probably a pretty good indication of the sheer difficulty of this language, when I can do that, and be understood, but cannot order green tea). These defeats, these setbacks…they are all just part of why I am here. Man, you know…I wouldn’t have written this if I hadn’t been tingbudonged by my waitress.

I’m going to finish my tea, and then fall asleep on this couch chuckling about the chinglish written on my tea cup “Wish you have a welfare and happiness”.

Technorati Tags: attitude, bars, beer, blog, boat, bus, canada, china, environment, internet, japan, nanjing, oil, personal, train, travel

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Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stood fast behind his assertion that Israel should be wiped off the map and repeated the call during nationwide protests Friday, the Muslim day of prayer.

Iran has continuously insisted that their nuclear program is for peaceful purposes only. Yet one would have to be incredibly naive to believe that there were not other alterior motives. An Iranian nuclear bomb? I was never very concerned about the prospect, believing in the idea that aquiring such a device would be defense in nature. I don’t usually jitter too much over world events, as I’ve always placed faith in the ability of world leaders to keep their heads cool and allow common sense to prevail. To me, the Cuban Missile Crisis was the low point in nuclear relations…a scenario in which the world was literally a few sentances away from a nuclear showdown. Nothing else in history really compares, and we are still here.

However, with open, public statements like these being made by the Iranian President bluntly calling for the complete eradication of another nation, I am somewhat more apprehensive in regards to a nuclear armed Iran. Could you imagine a state like that, with an attitude like that, armed with such weapons? It’s not new for such countries preaching the elimination of Isreal, and it has not been just talk either…with major wars in ’48, ’67 and ’73 in attempts to eliminate Isreal. Yet they may finally have found a method in which they can achieve their goal.

Probably just sabre rattling, but it still gives me the creeps.

Technorati Tags: attitude

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I’ve been here a month and a half and have had trouble on several other occasions when trying to by items at the store, so I went in expecting to have to deal with certain externalities. In retrospect, I should have probably gone with someone, but I personally hate shopping for clothing (In and out, as fast as possible is my motto) and the idea of bringing along someone to buy simple black trousers just seemed a little too extreme. “I can do this on my own” was the attitude I was taking. I’d been to this store several times before and knew exactly where the clothing department was and knew the approximate prices. It should have been no problem.

I soon discovered that purchasing even the most basic of clothing items can be a wild and tedious experience when you don’t know the language.

Being the idiot that I am, I didn’t even consider the possibility that the sizing system here would be completely different. It is, like everything else, much different. I had no idea what size I was, so I thought if I just stared at the pants long enough like a dumb foreigner, someone would help me. It worked. Within thirty seconds three employees were wrapping tape measures around my waist. A suitable size was found, and I proceeded to the incredibly small fitting room where I soon discovered that while the waist size was adequate, the pants were about 4 centimeters too long.

From what I understand, trousers in China are made with different waist sizes but all have a standardized length. But no worries. There is an in house tailor who will resize and hem one’s newly purchased clothing free of charge. Out came the measuring tapes. The whole process of purchasing a pair of trousers took approximately 40 minutes, but I’m sure it was extremely entertaining for the employees as well as the customers.

I now had a new pair of custom sized and tailored trousers. Despite the recent events, at this time I thought it would be a good time to retire my old belt which really isn’t pulling its weight as a trouser retaining device. Again, I thought this would be a rather simple procedure. A belt…fairly common item, from a fairly common store.

So I found a belt. The width was a little less than what I would have liked, but no big deal. A little long, but all of the belts I’d ever owned have been too big. I’d just pull out the ole’ Swiss Army and go to work. No big deal.

Apparently though, belts follow the same formula as trousers in China, and the tailor is also prepared for this as well. I was tracked down at the cashier and escorted back to the tailor where once again, the measuring tapes were produced. My belt was broken into its component pieces, trimmed and resized with new slots.

It is getting cold in Nanjing, and I had wanted to buy a new sweater, but I just couldn’t bring myself to enter the sweater section. If the sleeves were too long, they might re-knit the whole thing.

In sports today Team Bryan hammered The Spammers with 12 individual kills. “We didn’t even get one in” an un-identified player from The Spammers was reported as saying “I guess they just wanted it more”.

Yes we did.

Technorati Tags: attitude, china, clothing, nanjing, personal, sports

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