Foreign Loonballs

Sometimes when you drink too much, you do stupid things. Activities which, in one form or another will find their way back to you.

Take for instance, my time in Beijing. I found myself in a bar one night with a pair of Swedes (who turned out to be the most obnoxious…in a bad way, blokes I’ve ever met) and several others from Britain. How exactly I ended up in this hole-in-wall punkish establishment is

While in this bar drinking copious amounts of beer (such quantities are required on Chinese New Year’s Eve for bored foreigners) I experienced which could probably be described as the worst band on the planet. This trio (foreign of course) was so bad that…well, I can’t even make a suitable comparison. This of course, is compounded by the fact that they are in China, and as a foreign act, are somewhat elevated to a position that enables them to book gigs on a regular basis, and claim that they are pioneers in the Chinese ‘rock scene’. This of course ignores the Chinese themselves, who have been pumping out some freakin’ good rock music (Xu Wei, for instance was making kick ass rock music ten years ago) They prefer to ignore the fact that they would be chased out of most North American bar with pepper spray and extreme prejudice

I’ve noticed though, that in regards to really, really shitty bands, no one has the heart to tell them that they suck, and instead choose to encourage their lunacity by engaging in post-set conversation.

So there I was, somewhat bored and fuelled by several pints of all you can drink Qingdao. I then made the well-thought out choice that it would be a good ideas to go talk to a one “Tim Jim” the lead singer of the afor mentioned terrible incarnation “The Supernaturals”.

The best way to describe this character is a Steven Tyler look-alike, except who had lived a much, much, much harder life that Steven Tyler could ever hope to.

Bryan: “Hey man, great set!”
Steve Tyler Zombie: “Thanks man! You know I communicate with the dead”.
Bryan: ……..

People like this are fun, and even more entertaining when you engage them in a serious conversation about their beliefs. I usually try to keep a straight face and ask legit questions and give the impression that I am genuinely interested in their recent communion with Jim Morrison.

It was tough this time.

Tim Jim communicates regularly with rock legends, and apparently was ‘Jammin’ with Kurt Cobain and Jimmy Hendrix on stage…which was why he was playing his guitar backwards, he later explained to me.

My British companion, who was having as much fun with this as me, proceed to ask our esteemed rock star if his band was considering touring China, as well as maybe making a stop in England.

“We’re planning a tour, just give us a call and we’ll set something up”

“I’m not your agent”

I ended up signing up on their mailing list…using a legit email….ah…the things you do….

I received my first ‘fan mail’ yesterday. Essentially a ad for an upcoming concert. Pablum…except…The Supernaturals have a website.

Some gems I pulled off:

The Supernaturals were born from the womb of Jim Morrison, weened on the milk of Jaco’s family, played the Whiskey and Roxy in L.A., gained an international release through Invisible Records, and, after Lucifer nearly lost his life in a Hollywood fire, the rock theatre band resurrected in Harbin, China, where the experience continues in the Forbidden City!
“From the sky, Kurt is smiling right now about this show,” said Alien Superstar after another near-death experience. “Can you imagine anything more wonderful. You are all making this happen. Everyone who supports us. And 13 Club! Wow! We all know Kurt is Rock God here in China.

We played at two clubs, and neither could work the CD properly. No one understood English. We were playing one song, the CD drums another. We had gig in a week at 13 Club, and Dan and I knew ‘the show must go on.’ Of course, the next day I was contemplating various methods of suicide to decide which was best.

If you have time to waste, I encourage you to waste it on something else, and not on their mp3’s.

One Response to Foreign Loonballs

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