Worried about potential troop shortages in Iraq, The Onion reports that the Pentagon is dispatching the 8th Mall Security Division to bolster over-worked Coalition forces.
“I had to retrain my eye to spot the particular dangers over here in sand-land,” London said. “Yesterday, this kid with a bulge down his shirtfront comes around the corner. When I ask him to undo his jacket, wouldn’t you know, there’s a grenade launcher. Well, I hustled his keister right behind the falafel stand and told him the next time I saw his face around here, I’d turn him over to the coalition. Then I called his mullah to come pick him up.”
Added London: “I never figured out where he shoplifted the grenade launcher from, so I took it to our lost and found. If any Najaf shopkeepers out there are missing a grenade launcher, they should contact me, Dale London, at the Five-Eagle Security station. It’s near the grocery where they sell that funny sesame candy.”
Reminds me of an Onion article a few years back about the Clinton Administration deploying “Very Special” forces to the Gulf Region.
Make sure you read this one too.